i put my feelings on the outside
wore them for the world
you took those smiles, wrapped them into one
threw them far away
..........................
now..................
you care .........????????????
and i don't posses the strength to smash hearts............
to tell you what "you deserve" especially when you already know what that is
but still i can't discredit feelings
or under estimate the minds power to influence our hearts in the direction of what is absolutely best........
but if i let what you've disclosed to me sink in deep into the cracks of a dried up bitter persons soul.... that means that i must comply with the following:
i must grieve for the heart break that i pushed so far down that resurfacing it will take (1 everything)
then i must come to terms with the fact... that if you truly can't see the rest of your life without a weird fracked up me then that will in and of it's self require...(1 genuine me)
then from that point in development i have to mentally, emotionally, physically prepare myself for many more heart breaks of the same kind which them calls forth (1 brain founded on lack of healthy personal interest)
from there i'll simply have to reform the "EVERYTHING"... that completely controlled 7 months of my teenage life..... and prepare for the "openness" of commitment and time vows....
while trying not to let the seriousness of "teenage.... L..... like " destroy all that keeps me a child
All this while im terrified that if i take even one step toward you in this direction.... tomorrow morning you'll realize it was the hormones.... that you'll step one inch back into your life here in the big AZ... and realize you were missing the space that is filled by me..... and all of this will be for nothing........... then at that point in time... i will have no clue as to who it is exactly im supposed to be... or even how much exactly that i mean......
